her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
