At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
