Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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