Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
