If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
