so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
