One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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