i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
