somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
only you would photoshop your dick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
