Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

They should make Jack Daniels chap stick

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(802): View more from Vermont

hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

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(254): View more from Texas

Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have

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(702): View more from Nevada

Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons

(702): View more from Nevada

Does that work!! Please say yes

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(630): View more from Illinois

On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be

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(304): View more from West Virginia

It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.

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