Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
