Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
