he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
