I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
