The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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