dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize