I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
