i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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