I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
