'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
