He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
