I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
