The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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