Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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