She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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