at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
