you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
