OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm getting married
To pizza
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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