Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
