Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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