hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
