I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
