Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that's an acceptable place to lick
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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