I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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