we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
