i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
