I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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