Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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