Michael Bay diarrhea
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
