she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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