Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
