I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize