You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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