Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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