I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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