Whod you bang
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Blood and glitter go together right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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