In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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