i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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