Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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