So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
