Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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