i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So much rum. So many feels.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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