If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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