How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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