why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
