Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
