if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He did a backflip because drugs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
