I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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