That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your penis caused this!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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