Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
