I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
