is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
