I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
