So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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