I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
