I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
