i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
