I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
