a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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