Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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