How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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