my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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