I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
