I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
