I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
