Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
