You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
