these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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