I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
