Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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