I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
