so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
