I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize