Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
