I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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