the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
