i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
