After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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