wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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