i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
