You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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