The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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