Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
