I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize