New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Randomize
