Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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