Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
