I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
