I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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