omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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