just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
