Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was CRYING into my vagina
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
