I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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