So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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