garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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